God's Love

God's had a love affair with you, with me. Screw-up or not. I'm God's precious child. Holy and beloved. Set apart by His choosing. His doing.
I've gleaned my worth and lack there of from all the wrong places. Doing the right thing in the wrong way. My focus has been on what other people think and feel, how they see me, when my focus should have been on God alone. How He sees me. What He thinks and feels.
The love of God has been a quiet part of my life- always in the background. I've seen it before trying to come to the forefront but I've not received it as my own.
God clothing me with His robe of righteousness and the crown upon my head was like nothing I'd ever experienced. I could not wrap my mind around it or accept it as my own, as real.
Others have been important to me. I've chosen to love others, but to receive their love has been an almost impossible feat. I've taken the rejection, the shame, the fear, the pain, but hardly ever have I been able to receive the love, the appreciation, the mercy, the grace.
I feel worthy of the bad, but not the good. If I work for the good then I am worthy of it. But as a gift? A gift of love? How do I receive that? I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I feel so unworthy.
In sign language, worthy is shown by tying a bow around a present. A gift.

"God, what are you giving me? What have you given me? I've been told to hold out my hands to receive, but I've not been receiving- accepting as my own."
"God, how can You love someone like me?"
"How can I not? You are My child."
"I feel so unworthy of Your love. I feel like I have to work for Your approval"
"But you don't. You are already loved by Me. Nothing you do can ever change the fact that I live you just as you are. On the other hand, nothing you can do will ever make me love you more than I already do. Remember, you are My creation, My child and I love you fully and completely right where you are."