Why O Lord can I not hear You? Why can I not feel Your presence? Or know Your love? Why do I feel as if You've left me alone to fend for myself in this crazy, mixed up world? In the crazy mixed up life of mine? Where are You?
Your word says that You will never leave me, nor forsake me. And yet, I feel alone. Left to my own devices which are feeling contrary to You. Do You even care Abba?
Please, come make Yourself known to me. Allow me to feel Your love. To know Your life in me.
Awaken me from this slumber I feel that I'm in. Where life is but a dream. A crazy mixed up dream without You in it. With no thriving. Only surviving. It feels as though winter has come to stay in my heart. Taken up residence and is unwilling to leave. I want to live again Lord. To be beautiful and to thrive. Like the new green of spring. Along with the fresh blossoms. The new life all around. Hope. Joy. Peace. Life.

This morning I've been wondering about myself an  trying to figure out how to feel God's love for  me. While doing this I realized a part of my problem . I have convinced myself that to be loved I have to do. I can't just be loved because of who I am. That's not good enough. I'm not good enough. This thought process is a lie that I've believed for a long time without realizing it. I don't know what to do to change it, but I can at least admit it. I'm not in denial about this. I just don't know how to change it. To change me. Maybe that's what I'm missing with CR. I don't have to fix me cause that's God's job. And get this, He wants to fix me. Because I'm that important. Not because of what I've done, but because I'm His little girl. I'm ready to start believing that, I'm just not quite there yet. But praise God, He's not giving up on me. He's the One who started this work in me and He's going to complete it. Now I just have to be patient and wait on Him to do it. To trust Him to handle this in His timing.