On Monday I begin a new CR 12 step... As a leader. I'm unsure about this. Nervous too. People think I'm ready for this and will be good at it, but I'm unsure. I find it rather ironic that when I was going thru my first 12 step and one of our leaders quit, I was sure that I could handle it. I was willing to help co-lead the group. I felt confidence in myself and my ability. Why now am I feeling unsure if myself?
I watched a movie last night that made me contemplative. A large group of people had been placed in a walled in city and told that the rest of the world was gone, destroyed. They lived this way for 200 years. At the end of the movie they found out that it was a test of sorts. One that they had completed. So now they had the truth and were able to leave and go check out the world outside of their world. Everyone was heading towards the opening in the wall. I started to question why no one was fearful or even just wanted to stay put where they were. I'm not sure I would've wanted to go thru it. What about my comfortable life. Where I was would have become home. No matter how uncomfortable.
So, I now stand with this choice in my life also. Will I take that step forward into the unknown with the promise of hope, a new life?
Jesus is calling. Will I allow Him to be enough? I cannot answer that right away. Maybe soon. Something to contemplate definitely. New beginnings are right around the corner.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
What stirs my heart?
While taking some quiet time to read this morning I found an intriguing thought. I titled the post with my thought. What stirs my heart, my soul. Some of you who know me, may know that people stir my heart; words stir my heart; and most of all, God stirs my heart. These three things are passions in my life if you will. God first and foremost is a part of my life that I carry with me everywhere I go. He governs my life... when I allow Him to. He loves me always, even when I don't realize it or feel it. He's always there. For this I am truly grateful.
God is the reason why words stir my heart. It's His gift to me, or should I say in me to you. I love words. They are inspiring, thought-provoking, powerful and wonderful all at the same time. Sometimes they're even heartfelt and honest, which are the ones I like best. They can also be mean and hurtful, full of half-truths and damaging. Those are ones that I hate, that I loathe. These are the ones that I fight with on a regular basis of I'm honest with myself. The ones that run rampant thru my mind trying to get me to believe the lies about myself and others. I see it all the time in people, in myself. More in myself, but I think because I see it in me it helps me to see it also in others.
Which brings me to my third passion. The third thing that stirs my heart, people. People are created in God's image. We are like Him in different ways. Not one of us is like another, so it stands to reason that we are all like a different part of God, created to reflect Him to the world. For me, I reflect Him by my words. I'm a writer. A word person. John said, "In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God, the Word was God." I am by no means claiming to be God, only that I reflect Him. Created in His image to show Himself to the world. His Word says we were created in His image and I'd like to see us start acting like it, start treating others like they are God's creation. Created to look like Him, to act like Him, to reflect Him to a lost and dying world.
Sorry, got off on a tangent again. Maybe that helps to reiterate my point. My passions are there, given to me by God, to be used for God, to help God's people.
That's all I have for now, just some food for thought after a thought captured my attention this morning. Maybe it will capture yours as well. And maybe you'll find that what stirs your heart also comes from a creative God.
God is the reason why words stir my heart. It's His gift to me, or should I say in me to you. I love words. They are inspiring, thought-provoking, powerful and wonderful all at the same time. Sometimes they're even heartfelt and honest, which are the ones I like best. They can also be mean and hurtful, full of half-truths and damaging. Those are ones that I hate, that I loathe. These are the ones that I fight with on a regular basis of I'm honest with myself. The ones that run rampant thru my mind trying to get me to believe the lies about myself and others. I see it all the time in people, in myself. More in myself, but I think because I see it in me it helps me to see it also in others.
Which brings me to my third passion. The third thing that stirs my heart, people. People are created in God's image. We are like Him in different ways. Not one of us is like another, so it stands to reason that we are all like a different part of God, created to reflect Him to the world. For me, I reflect Him by my words. I'm a writer. A word person. John said, "In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God, the Word was God." I am by no means claiming to be God, only that I reflect Him. Created in His image to show Himself to the world. His Word says we were created in His image and I'd like to see us start acting like it, start treating others like they are God's creation. Created to look like Him, to act like Him, to reflect Him to a lost and dying world.
Sorry, got off on a tangent again. Maybe that helps to reiterate my point. My passions are there, given to me by God, to be used for God, to help God's people.
That's all I have for now, just some food for thought after a thought captured my attention this morning. Maybe it will capture yours as well. And maybe you'll find that what stirs your heart also comes from a creative God.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Which way do I go?
After a strange dream last night, I find myself with a choice to make. Do I move forward into an unknown place of growth and change or do I allow myself to fall back into the known where there is no possibility for progress?
After writing about this, I realized that I want change. I want to do things differently. I don't like the way things were. But, with that said, I also don't know where to begin. Here's what my beginning looks like for me...
I have to tell someone near and dear to me how I feel, but with that comes old co-dependency feelings. I don't want to upset the person, to make them feel bad, but I need to find healing and freedom for me.
Co-dependency and feeling my feelings fully are pulling me like a rope in tug of war. If I choose to go forward and feel my feelings then I leave my co dependency issues behind. Along with what is known and what feels safe because it's known. But if I choose to feel my feelings then I move forward into the unknown. Forward motion is progress on one hand, but unknown and fearful on the other hand. Going back means I lose ground in my recovery. I don't want to lose ground. I want to move forward... even though I'm afraid.
Abba, how do I move forward in this new place in my life. Help me, teach me.
After writing about this, I realized that I want change. I want to do things differently. I don't like the way things were. But, with that said, I also don't know where to begin. Here's what my beginning looks like for me...
I have to tell someone near and dear to me how I feel, but with that comes old co-dependency feelings. I don't want to upset the person, to make them feel bad, but I need to find healing and freedom for me.
Co-dependency and feeling my feelings fully are pulling me like a rope in tug of war. If I choose to go forward and feel my feelings then I leave my co dependency issues behind. Along with what is known and what feels safe because it's known. But if I choose to feel my feelings then I move forward into the unknown. Forward motion is progress on one hand, but unknown and fearful on the other hand. Going back means I lose ground in my recovery. I don't want to lose ground. I want to move forward... even though I'm afraid.
Abba, how do I move forward in this new place in my life. Help me, teach me.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
God's love daily
His presence when I'm alone
When I'm lost
When I'm lonely
When I'm fearful
His presence when I'm at peace
When I'm quiet
When I'm thoughtful
When I'm at rest
His presence when I'm worried
When I'm anxious
When I'm focused on the bag
When I'm unsure of anything
His presence when I'm secure
When I'm at peace with who I am
When I'm loved and I know it
His presence when I'm afraid
When I see my world falling apart
When everything I know is unknown
When my worst fears are now my reality
His presence when I'm joyful
When everything is going better than hoped
When my life is full
When all is well and I wanna shout
His presence when I'm at war
When I feel like lashing out
When everything and everyone is against me
When I'd rather crawl in a hole and hide
His presence for my every need
No matter how I feel
No matter what life looks like
No matter how bad it gets
My God is there loving me thru it all
Holding me close
Singing over me
Reminding me of His love
Daily I must choose to focus on Him
On His love
On His presence
On His truths
Life is full of ups and downs
God must be my focus
Trust must be my anchor
And love must be my aim
When I'm lost
When I'm lonely
When I'm fearful
His presence when I'm at peace
When I'm quiet
When I'm thoughtful
When I'm at rest
His presence when I'm worried
When I'm anxious
When I'm focused on the bag
When I'm unsure of anything
His presence when I'm secure
When I'm at peace with who I am
When I'm loved and I know it
His presence when I'm afraid
When I see my world falling apart
When everything I know is unknown
When my worst fears are now my reality
His presence when I'm joyful
When everything is going better than hoped
When my life is full
When all is well and I wanna shout
His presence when I'm at war
When I feel like lashing out
When everything and everyone is against me
When I'd rather crawl in a hole and hide
His presence for my every need
No matter how I feel
No matter what life looks like
No matter how bad it gets
My God is there loving me thru it all
Holding me close
Singing over me
Reminding me of His love
Daily I must choose to focus on Him
On His love
On His presence
On His truths
Life is full of ups and downs
God must be my focus
Trust must be my anchor
And love must be my aim
Good morning
Good morning Abba. Today as I get ready to head into work I wanted to stop and say good morning. I don't always say anything to you beyond my needs and wants. Like when I ask you to teach me Your love. Or to take care of a friend. Our relationship should not be based on need, but on... on what Abba? How do I abide in You. How do I learn to receive Your love? By spending time with You and learning who You are... who I am because of You.
That's where I'll leave this for now. It's a step. Maybe I can take another step as I go thru this day. Let's do life together today. Remind me of You today Abba.
That's where I'll leave this for now. It's a step. Maybe I can take another step as I go thru this day. Let's do life together today. Remind me of You today Abba.
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